Heat Wave
by Laerkstrein
Summary: In the midst of a horrid heat wave, Kenpachi can't seem to figure out where all the cold water has gone.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own _Bleach, _or any of the _Bleach_ characters used in this fic. They all belong to Tite Kubo: the genius behind the captivating manga that started it all. I only own any of my original characters that I choose to include, as well as any of my own original plot ideas.

**Heat Wave  
**

**A/N: **Oneshot written for my friend, **St. Harridan.**

* * *

The heat of the scorching summer sun had caused the Seireitei to simmer about as fast as the Eleventh Division Captain's frying pan had that morning. And he, Kenpachi Zaraki, was now the egg, slowly dying of heat exhaustion. Not even the bittersweet tang of a cold beer had been enough to quell the searing heat that was ebbing at his patience. To make matters worse, the air-conditioning in the barracks had blown out three days earlier, thanks to Ikkaku's vain attempt to "fix" the damn thing in time for the predicted heat wave.

He'd be mopping the bathrooms for the next year as punishment.

Little to no work had been accomplished, as the officers and recruits had further busied themselves with various ways to cool off. According to Yumichika's morning report, and the sickened look on his face, one of the men had gone so far as to stick his head in the toilet because the water heater had gone into overdrive, having made all the sinks pour out what felt like hot beef stew. Kenpachi had gotten a laugh out of that, but it did little to raise his spirits.

The captain sighed heavily, throwing his head back against the wall, leaving a visible crack, as he listened to Yumichika endlessly whine about how he couldn't properly wash his hair without cold water. What the hell did the Fifth Seat expect him to do about it? Did he _look _like a freaking "Water Fairy" from one of Yachiru's damned kiddy board games?

Hell no.

Kenpachi stared lazily out the window, making a mental note to later replace the thermostat which given out after reaching one-hundred seven degrees. Useless piece of crap... He wondered if any of the other Divisions were having such problems. Not likely. Otherwise, he would have been able to hear the sounds of joyous officers jumping into the once cool stream. Everyone else was probably busying themselves with tedious, daily tasks within wonderfully air-conditioned rooms.

The captain reached dazedly into the cooler, eyes widening when he realized that he'd downed the last of the beer. No beer, no ice, no cold water, and no damned air-conditioning. He closed his eyes, hoping that a breeze, or even a damned hurricane, would make its way through his window. As he steadily began drifting off to sleep, a loud laugh and a stream of cold water smacked him in the face.

"Gotcha!"

Kenpachi sat up, rolling his eyes. What heinous mischief had Yachiru gotten into now? The captain stuck his head out the window, surprised to see his lieutenant, dressed in her polka-dot bathing suit, staring up at him, bright green garden hose in hand.

"What the hell're you doin', runt?" he demanded, staring at her with hard eyes. "And why the _hell _are you outside? You're gonna melt into a freakin' puddle if you stay out there!"

Yachiru popped her pink goggles over her eyes before holding the hose over her head, laughing joyfully as the water poured down over her. "Look, Kenny!" she shouted. "I'm a water fairy! I can make it rain all day long if I wanna!"

Slowly, Kenpachi leaned further out the window, eyes widening when he spotted Yachiru's little pink swimming pool, complete with giant inflatable castle, that had been completely drowned in water, leaving a wet, grassy mess behind. So _that _was where all the cold water had gone on such an monster of a day. He turned, ignoring Yumichika's ongoing lecture about how to properly moisturize one's hair so that "it stays lush and shiny."

Had he really been talking that whole time?

"Captain, where are you going?" a distraught Yumichika shouted as Kenpachi left the room. "I wasn't finished yet!"

"For a piss," he laughed, heading down the hall towards the barrack restrooms. "And, if you're done with all the princely bitching, you can go outside and stick your head in Yachiru's swimming pool."

The Fifth Seat's eyes widened, his face having contorted into a confused scowl. "What good will that do my hair?"

"She's got all the cold water."

Kenpachi grinned as Yumichika shot off to his room, darting back into the hallway before leaping straight out the captain's the window, shampoo in hand.

* * *

Humorous little idea that slapped me in the face.


End file.
